Letter to myself before getting sick…

Breathe, Just take a deep breath.


Life is about to change real quick for you, things are going to be completely out of your control but you will have your family and amazing medical staff/doctors with you every step of the way. 

You will understand so many things after you’re diagnosed with this illness, Why your legs would fall asleep so much, why it seemed like you had a stroke in middle school yet they said it was “Anxiety”. Why you couldn’t breathe, or why you had those huge bruises on your legs.

You will learn to live a TOTALLY different, scary life. You will get the hang of it, I’m not saying it will be easy. You are going to ask yourself and God why you! You will be frustrated, depressed, you will get to lows you never knew you could get to. 

It’s going to be you fighting to live- TO LIVE. You won’t be afraid of death anymore, but you will be afraid of leaving the ones you love behind. Your family will be told in a few occasions that you have a few hours to live because girl you get too close to death way too many times. It’s a very scary thought, but don’t worry you won’t die. 

You have to be strong for what is coming. This will actually make you a better person, selfless, humble, caring. You will see things from a different perspective and try to help more when you can. You will appreciate freedom, food, water, family, friends, your life in general.

Keep the people that are always there for you close and tell them how much you care for them everyday! Soon you will learn life can be taken away from you in seconds.

You can totally forget about the plans you had for your future life. They are COMPLETELY different now. They change pretty drastically, but you slowly start finding other things you are good at and try to find your new path. 


I know this will break your heart, but your sister is sick also. You knew this, yet you didn’t want to seem paranoid so you let the doctors confirm what you said. You get a lot of things right, you have a pretty good sixth sense girl! Trust it, believe it, Trust me.

Not a lot of people will understand what you are going through, other people only freak out if they hear the word cancer (which is terrible) but being chronically ill means living a difficult life. Pills keep you alive, you will even have chemo. Yes, it DOES feel crappy. Yes, you do lose hair and many other things you will find out.

People will think you are fine because they see you smiling or laughing, wearing makeup. I mean you do have good days, but until they live with you, or spend a day with you, on a bad day, they don’t know what it’s really like. So try to not pay attention to ignorant people who only speak because they can. 

The amount of new people who will be blessings in your life is HUGE. You will meet So many wonderful people, they will become like family and many of them will stick around. 

You will have friends in different states even countries! And you should probably start looking up The Spoon Theory and the term Spoonie. 

Your parents will be tired, hurt, but they will never give up. They will be frustrated, they will be scared and traumatized. You guys will learn to hate the hospital but also accept it as a second home. You will ride a helicopter, but you won’t remember anything. Actually there will be Many things you don’t remember (it’s the drugs) lol. 

Oh and remember how you were such a cry baby about pills? Honey you will have pills for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Some days maybe more, but it’s ok you are a pro now. 

I think the hardest thing to live with is no one can cure what you and your sister have, For now. You will fight though and YOU HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING! It’s hard having to fight with your own body, with your health! Sometimes….yes, you just want to give up because the pain is too much not just physically but emotionally. I promise you, you will get through it. You have amazing support from so many people. And you know what, you don’t lose your smile. I hope we never do. Stay strong you will get through this!

-Katye

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